Depressed? Read Authentic And Astonishing Story Of How I Kicked The SSRIS For Good!

depressed
Another way than conventional

Depressed? I want to share my 30+ year fight against it with you.

  1. Introduction 1.1 Background and Overview 1.2 Personal Background and Upbringing 1.3 Overcoming Physical Limitations
  2. Defying Conventions: A Physical and Mental Journey 2.1 Battling Brittle Bone Disease 2.2 The Role of Anabolic Steroids and HGH 2.3 Mental Transformation: Shifting Mindset
  3. Navigating Social Challenges and Stigma 3.1 Relationships and Social Perceptions 3.2 Facing Judgment and Misconceptions 3.3 Coping with Shame and Guilt
  4. Depression: A Silent Battle 4.1 The Loneliness and Confusion of Depression 4.2 Daily Struggles and the Cycle of Shame
  5. Embracing Failure and Coaching Insights 5.1 Learning from Failures 5.2 The Role of Coaching in Personal Growth
  6. Microdosing Psychedelics: A Turning Point 6.1 Seeking Alternative Solutions 6.2 Initial Skepticism and Social Backlash 6.3 Positive Effects on Battling Depression
  7. Breaking the Stigma: Advocacy and Transparency 7.1 Overcoming Shame and Guilt 7.2 Advocating for LSD Therapy 7.3 The Power of Transparency in Coaching

Conclusion 8.1 The Journey to Mental Wellness 8.2 Encouraging Openness and Growth

Let me share my depressed story with you.

Are you Looking for an authentic journey of someone from multiple SSRI’s to psychedelics and how I transformed the conversation with myself for the first time in my mental health journey.

I am a 43-year-old male who was raised in an Irish Catholic Family in a fiscally conservative and socially liberal environment. Not many topics were discussed, and my parents were not the ones to initiate a conversation about drugs. Still, when I was 18 and told my parents I was going to try my first cycle of Anabolic Steroids out, they took it well and were supportive.

Maybe it was me being raised with a brittle bone disease and the subsequent surgeries over 6 years that made them more understandable or that they agreed to put me on Human Growth Hormone when I was 12 due to a height deficiency caused by Osteogenesis Imperfecta.

I was open to the application of various drugs that were on the “fringe” of societal acceptance. This was in large part because a side effect of my taking HGH was my bones quit breaking. It allowed me to achieve a quality of life, combined with anabolic steroids that were simply unattainable, according to every doctor who studied Osteogenesis Imperfecta.

Here lays your Outlier is what my tombstone needs to say, because when it came to defying the physical shortcomings my bone disease forced upon me went to an equally dangerous development – my mind into not only seeing but also believing I would walk again without any walking aides regardless of the words spoken by a few doctors.

By and large, my success in battling my brittle bone disease to push the disease to its limits by competing in bodybuilding can be attributed more to my mind understanding what tools were, regardless of the stigma that others were shoving on me.

Throughout my 20s and up until my 35, I had quite a few women pass on me because of my use of HGH and Testosterone. They feared the typical things you hear from the media. Small dick, roid rages, infertility, yada yada yada. They never considered a different perspective. I was ok with it because it was never my job to change their mind into accepting anything different. That was theirs alone. I had friends who said I would die early or was selfish and reckless. The shame, guilt, and fight to not conform were honest in my heart.

Not a day has gone by in my last 34 years where I have not felt enough shame or guilt for going down a hill on a skateboard, thus beginning the 6 years of hell I lived through while trying to get my legs healthy to walk again. I was told not to leave the driveway, but I did, impacting more lives than I care to account for in this article. However, the guilt of the situations I put others in for years still weighs on me today.

Depressed and being in your mind is one of the loneliest, most confusing, and most captivating journeys you can take.

We carry so much guilt or shame from what we say defines us. Our weight, our hair color, and our bank account that we are, it appears stuck in this shame, guilt, and conform cycle.

We feel shame or guilt for failing at something. Perhaps we did not give our best or didn’t know how to share our best, but we either conform to growth or stay the same. Each of us will do one or the other with each thing that causes us guilt or shame.

Everyone has a unique journey, but they also share very similar struggles. Almost all struggle with how they view themselves. Many others struggle with shame about not being disciplined enough or having enough willpower to not eat the way they should or need to. Almost all feel shame and guilt and ultimately conform to getting better or staying the same.

With each failure, there is a chance to grow, to get better from it – to create a new approach to success with a habit or a mindset shift.

Embracing failure and failing forward is a crucial aspect coaching has taught me over the last 19 years. They believe in themselves and are open to being coached on reaching their goals and going further. Those constantly creating excuses for their lack of execution usually fall off and walk in circles, never in the future, because it changes the conformity they have written mentally about themselves.

Growing and changing is often met to them as they cannot change or are not good enough or deserving enough of their goals. Then, some can step back, see their errors, and begin to track a better path for themselves.

How I got here with this realization comes from my use of micro-dosing psychedelics to alleviate chronic depression.

The amount of people who were close to me in 2017 when I said I had begun microdosing psychedelics after reading a few books who thought I had lost my mind was substantial. I was told that discussing it openly would ruin my business. It would cost me custody of my kids. A lot of bullshit said to me all because I have worked on a mindset open to growth.

Battling depression is the hardest thing I have encountered in my life, and for the most part, it is a daily battle to keep the angels singing louder than the void. I get what it is to be miserably trapped in some depressed cycle that no amount of self-talk or love from others improves. It all started when I was 11 and a doctor, not listening to my pleas to stop, broke my tibia and fibula, attempting a radical stretch and turn. That night at home, I wondered if suicide was a way out of this shit. From that night when I was 11 to 36, it was an internal war that was eternally apart.

After reading and studying newer research showing LSD’s benefit in alleviating depression, I decided that this was worth a shot to try. I was slowly burning down everything around me as I usually do because breaking the cycle is super duper hard when you are depressed and do not care for much of anything.

My parents supported using GH and steroids at a young age. I was open to seeing if something on the “fringe” was helpful to me regardless of the legality or perception of others. I mean, do not get me wrong, it sucked to have some people call me crazy or stupid. Still, I also knew they were not in my headspace, and perhaps they might be more considerate of my need to find other forms of help rather than what their rather miseducated opinion might be.

However, I still felt shame and guilt for experimenting with LSD when I started in 2017 because I feared backlash in terms of business growth potential and how others would view my family by discussing this therapy openly. Though slowly, over time, the shame and guilt faded as more and more research showed microdosing LSD’s outstanding positive effects on battling depression. I was gradually becoming a free man and even more of an open advocate of this therapy to help others who, like myself, found no relief from treatment or pharmaceuticals.

I micro-dosed the following protocol for almost the rest of 2017 and into the summer of 2018. For 5 weeks, I would do 10mcg twice a week. I would then take 5 weeks off and repeat again. No one that mattered cared about my use of microdose amounts of LSD; in fact, I received a lot of private messages asking me questions or saying it was excellent.

 

I was open to trying something like LSD therapy. During this tenure, I felt less ashamed and guilty over going against what my “friends” or “colleagues” thought best. I wanted to be candid about something not many will open up and discuss. I knew if it helped me, there would be someone else out there who would benefit, too, and I love paying the knowledge forward.

This kind of transparency has helped me be a better coach as well. Clients of mine know what I am going up against as much as I do them. It is about understanding and support to break those guilt and shame cycles that might not have led them to the results they worked so hard for. When you can be completely honest with who you are, others dig that about you and spread the word because being weird is cool nowadays. 🙂

Speaking of digging weird, this article helped you see us suffer guilt and shame about various things in our own ways. For all of us, though, we face mental challenges daily, and our mindset is a key determining factor in how our days will go.

The most powerful thing we can do is be open to growth to change the dialogue for a healthier and ultimately happier life.

Here is a link to buy my book, which is a raw therapy session in my fight against depression.

Break the stigma!